Anna Kosof, Battered Women: Living With the Enemy (Franklin Watts, New York, 1994; paperback edition, 1995). 110 pp. ISBN 0-531-11203-9.
It is only in the last few years that the abuse of women and children has become recognized as a public health problem -- domestic violence (see pages 17 and 39 of our Fall 1996 issue). Such abuse has probably always existed -- after all, it was supposedly all right for a man to beat his wife as long as the stick he beat her with was not thicker than a man's thumb. Likewise, many of us have heard the old saying, "A woman, a dog and a willow tree -- the more you whip them the better they be." Don't ask me why you have to whip a willow tree, but the advantages of establishing dominance over a woman and a dog must be apparent to all those men who belive in dominance.
Anna Kosof, the author of this book, is a producer of television and radio documentaries. She interviewed women who have lived with violent men, and the tales they tell are chilling. Particularly enlightening are the aspects of the situations that do not immediately spring to mind: the economic imperatives which tie a woman to an abusive partner. If there are children and the father is awarded visitation rights by the courts, he will always know where she is living; she will always be immediately accessible to him. If she brings up his abuse in the divorce proceedings, the judge may decide that neither is a fit parent and take away the child. If he violates an order of protection and is put in jail, she loses whatever financial support he provided.
Kosof lists valuable warning signals of what could develop into an abusive relationship: a need for control, extreme jealousy, wild mood swings, and threats and verbal abuse are all listed. Surprisingly, she states that more than one in eight teenagers experiences physical violence in their dating relationships. A study of 1600 students in 79 schools across the country found that rituals of abuse have replaced youthful courtship.
There is a fascinating chapter on who are the batterers. Controlling, jealous, angry, but, above all, abusive because they can get away with it! If a man beats his boss, or a policeman, he goes to jail. If he beats his wife, he usually gets away with it.
One of the most fascinating statements in the book is the answer to the question (asked of battered women): "Why do men batter their partners?" Everyone gave the same answer: "Because they can!" To which I would add, "and get away with it!"
A chapter on "Women Who Kill" points out that the severity and frequency of the abuse was a significant factor. So was the fact that these men were more likely to abuse their children as well. Society does not treat domestic violence seriously -- even now. Aggravated assault against a stranger is a felony -- against a wife, a misdemeanor.
A series of useful appendices rounds out the book: 1) Facts About Battering (three of five women are battered at least once in their lifetimes); 2) Myths About Battering; 3) The Duluth Domestic Abuse Intervention Project; 4) Why Women Don't Leave; 5) Early Warning Signs for Future Abuse [particularly valuable in my opinion]; 6) Organizations and Programs.
I was particularly upset by the information about teenage girls being abused. Other boys accord respect to a friend they see slapping his girl around. What a bonding ritual!! Chapter notes, a bibliography, and an index round out this useful -- if startling -- book.
- Irma S. Jarcho
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